The Uprooting of Black Kids for Black Excellence

I recently watched A Thousand and One, a beautiful movie about a Black family in New York City.  The son, Terry, is incredibly smart, and throughout the movie his parents reinforce the idea that he must go on to live a better life than them.  The first step is switching to a more renowned high school.  Then it’s time for him to apply to college, and although he does, it is clear by his lack of excitement and lack of decision about where to go that he is uncertain about going at all.

My step-dad was an asshole and made my home a toxic place to be, so I knew I wanted to get away, and I knew college would give me that chance.  I considered going to schools as close as Columbia University in New York City and as far as the University of Southern California in Los Angeles.

Then my mom and step-dad split, and we had to move in with our grandma.  While I dealt with this major change and began to heal my relationship with my family, I started the process of applying for college and scholarships.  Soon after, I was awarded a full-ride scholarship from QuestBridge, which exists specifically to make it easier for low-income students to attend more prestigious universities. Escaping to a faraway school finally became a possibility for me.

I had so many options, but I felt anxious about going to a distant school that catered to those who were far more privileged than me.  I knew I would struggle to fit in and make friends; I knew it would be difficult for me to find support outside of my family, and I knew I needed those things to thrive, especially because I would be separated from my family for an indefinite amount of time.

Besides, I didn’t feel the need to escape anymore. 

I knew I needed [community] to thrive

I forfeited the scholarship.  My mom was pissed, and others were disappointed.  

College was always an expectation for me, but I think because of how well I did in high school, people hoped I’d go to “fancy school” as I like to call it.  I had a great aunt and uncle who helped me with the college application process and pushed me to consider Ivy League schools.  My cousin was going to Dartmouth.  Why wouldn’t I go to a school like that?

I didn’t understand the pressure placed on me. I wanted time and space to figure out the best path for me, but instead I was expected to upend my present and future to be more successful than my parents and attempt class mobility. I didn’t understand why they were making my success their problem.  

After watching A Thousand and One several years later, I got it.  They wanted me to have a better life.  They saw my potential and thought I could be someone who achieved Black excellence.  Because of this movie, I also realized why it was so difficult for me to choose an Ivy League school specifically.  Choosing an Ivy League school meant uprooting myself from my family, my friends, and my community.

The resources we need to thrive are not in our communities, and that is intentional; that is racism.  The lengths Black people have to go to be excellent are much greater than the lengths of our counterparts.  We have to go to fancy schools.  We have to present ourselves in ways that are palatable to white people. And we have to separate ourselves from our communities to thrive because there is no Dartmouth in Detroit.  

If Terry from A Thousand and One got into an elite college, he would have had to leave everything he knew behind.  His family, his friends, his home.  Even when his mother betrayed him, he struggled to separate from her.  He wasn’t ready to give up the life he loved for the life everyone thought he should pursue.

I appreciate the support I was given.  I appreciate that people believed I could achieve great things.  But I wish people had asked me what I wanted more often, and I wish they’d listened when I answered.  

More than anything, I wish people supported my need for community as much as they supported my need to succeed.